If you are taking this process seriously, you are probably frustrated by the
useless trivia often recorded here. Lists of attributes or descriptions of our
aspirational selves serve no valuable purpose. Neither of us have time for
Here's the deal:
Religion - Not interested
I was raised catholic, and went to catholic schools. I've since studied other
religions too. I recognize the appeal, but it is just not a part of my life.
I'm not interested in growing my faith or improving my relationship with Jesus.
Prayer is not a problem solving tactic in my play-book. I'm operating on the
"I'll play along and behave" level. I am equipped to have complex
philosophical discussions on the matter, but recognize it is just a pastime,
and there is not likely a favorable outcome.
If you want to give the children a religious education, that's cool. If you
want me to attend church on a regular basis, that may require extra effort.
Language - I can barely understand Malayalam
There weren't any mallu kids growing up. We didn't have Sunday school. My
sister and I were usually the only brown people at our schools. I can mostly
understand what my parents say, but I'm really lost in real conversations.
Yeah, I'm a little embarrassed that I don't speak our language. There isn't
much to do about it now.
I'm open to study, but we'll have to decide what to give up to make time for that.
Travel - Not interested
Sure, at some point in my life I've thought about how nice it would be to spend
years having adventures traveling with my partner. Learning and growing and
exploring. Lets get real. "Ain't nobody got time for that." Travel now is
just anxiety and stress, and will be nearly impossible as our combined
If you have the sort of expectation that you need to take a vacation to an
interesting place on a regular basis, as in that's the sort of thing you look
forward to, and makes working and life in general worthwhile, then we probably
aren't a good fit. If you insist on traveling, and would be willing to go get
your travel on without me, so I can stay home, sleep, and binge watch TV, then
we might have a chance.
Arts/Food/Culture - If you want it
A lot of women seem to be into these things. I'm not passionate about it.
Much like religion, I'll play along.
Suitable as a Husband/Father/Provider/Lover - Yes
I've been around long enough to have gathered a useful collection of worldly
wisdom. One of you was explaining the various ways one can express love, the
"languages" of love specifically. One of the languages is "service." I
think that is the perfect characterization of how I express love. I've never
really said "I love you" to anybody, not even my family, it just feels goofy.
I take care of people. I'm a problem solver. When somebody needs help, I'm
there. If this was a old-timey gangster movie, I'd be "the fixer."
Money - Let's live modestly and debt free
It would be great if you didn't have a crazy amount of student loans. Or if
you do have loans, you had a plan to squash that debt in a timely manner other
than marry your way out.
Lets do work we enjoy and not worry about money. If you don't want to work,
that's fine, but if you are anything like me, then you would probably find that
hard to do. If you want to pursue a high stress career, then I can take more
responsibility at home.
Kids - Yes
Unless you are like, 23, we don't have a lot of time. Lets just have as many
kids as time allows, within reason.
Origin Story - Just like yours
My family's story is probably much like yours. My parents came here from Kerala
in the 70's with very little. They worked hard, learned some things the hard
way, but generally made the right moves in pursuit of a better life for us
and the folks back home. My older sister and I are both American born. She's
married with two kids, and now everyone is anxious to see me settled.
I've enjoyed a good amount of freedom in my adult life. My family hasn't given
me a hard time about my education, or career, or living far from home. My
sister is closer to home, and despite her myriad responsibilities, has taken the
lead in tending to my parents.
The expectation was that I'd come home eventually, get married eventually, and
we could all take care of each other, eventually. That hasn't happened yet.
When I take time to think about it all, I feel some shame about how selfish I've
behaved. Those moments are brief because it's easy to resume being caught up
in the activities of daily life. Maybe I've constructed a web of
responsibilities to hold me here, so I can point at concrete reasons why I can't
move home just yet.
My parents taught me to work. It's actually my favorite thing to do. I do it
all the time. It's been a convenient outlet for my attention all these many
years. Like many people who work a lot, I may score ok financially, but far
behind with respect to starting a family. There aren't even any more
engagements and weddings. It's all just babies now.
I don't feel like I've ever been free to let go in a relationship. I cycle
between some well known states: "Let's do a proper search for a suitable
woman," "Why do I have to carry the burden of finding a suitable partner,
there's a woman right in front of me that likes me," and "I know there is no
future here, it was irresponsible for me to indulge, I have a duty to this
woman and my stakeholders to stop this."
And now I'm here. Possibly in a "lets do a proper search" cycle. Take that
for what its worth.
35 / 6' 0" (182cm)
Dark / Slim
No Health Problems
1 of which married 1
Education And Profession
Bachelors - Management
Software Developer / Programmer
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Interests and more
Health & Fitness, Listening to music, Movies, Reading / Book clubs, Watching television
Enjoy most forms of music
Business / Occupational, Philosophy / Spiritual, Self-help
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